Post Tisha B'av Thoughts

The gemara says that the Beis Ha-Mikdash was destroyed because the Jews limited their actions to the letter of the law of the Torah and did not act beyond the letter of the law. Tosfos note that the gemara in Yoma suggests a different reason, baseless hatred. Tosfos reconcile this apparent contradiction by asserting that both of these reasons caused the destruction. The Maharal adds that these weren’t two independent reasons; they operated in tandem.

I think this is a beautiful idea. However despite its beauty it also makes me sad, by my reasoning this speaks very poorly of Am Israel as a nation. To me this means that not only do we not rush to do mitzvahs and go beyond what we have to do in our obligation to gd; we also don’t go beyond our obligation to our own people by accepting each other for who we are. We hate each other because we are different, because we cannot manage to get beyond the largely ascetic differences in the way we dress, or the way we serve gd, or the way we speak and recognize each other for what we are. What each and everyone of us are is created by gd. We are created in ha kadosh baruch hu's image and therefore are sacred.

Unfortunately I was reminded of this all too viscerally just this last Shabbat when I brought my sister over to one of my closest Rabbis houses. This was my sisters first chance to see and experience life in my new city. I wanted her to see that I have a family in Boston who loves me and takes care of me. To see that I have a Rabbi who I’m friends with. Someone whose counsel I trust, who I don’t necessarily agree with all the time but whose family I love. Unfortunately my Rabbi could not get beyond my sisters level of observance, and I unfortunately checked out of the conversation, spending my time play with his kids and not listening. Afterwards my sister tried talking with me about her concerns and fears but all I could hear from her was the stereotypical, surface level criticisms about the orthodox world and I did nothing to dispel them, instead I got angry and defensive. Not that she wasn't also acting in a similar way (we are related after all), but I should have listened to her concerns and tried to get a clearer picture of what went down between the two of them instead of reacting the way I did.

Later I was filled in on the conversation by a neutral party and I feel terrible that because I didn't participate in the conversation, mediating between the two that hostility was formed and some stereotypes were reinforced. I feel terrible that because I didn't get a clear picture of what happened and instead reacted defensively my sister and I spent the night going at each other and arguing. I could have handled it better, I should of listened and found points of commonality.

I feel like an ass, that I allowed myself to get caught up in the same surface level, petty criticisms that I accused her of, before finding out the whole story. It’s because of this that we are still waiting for the redemption and the rebuilding of the Beit Ha-Mikdash. It’s because of situations like this that we still hate one another and fight with one another and can’t come together as one nation, strong and unified.

I thought about this while I fasted the other day and I’m still thinking about it today and I can only hope and pray that next time I’ll be able to be a better example for all parties involved. I also hope that this year I can increase of performance of mitzvoth, not just in regards to my relationship with gd but also in terms of my relationship of all of Am Israel and the other nations. I hope and pray that I can go about the performance of mitzvoth with enthusiasm and vigor each and every day. That I will not feel burdened by walking in the ways of my ancestors, but will instead feel empowered and rush to fulfill my many obligations. I hope that though this I will do my part in bring the redemption and the rebuilding of the temple speedily in our days.