The Jerusalem Times

I’m not even going to try to lie here I’ve been freaking out for the last week or two, I’m not entirely sure what it is but I have my guesses. After almost eight months away from home I’m starting to feel the pressure to come home and just do something. I’m also thinking about my level of religious commitment and questioning whether or not I really believe it. I can’t help but wonder how much I’ve been influenced by the environment that I live in. This is a topic that is discussed in the writings of our sages. They talk about how your environment influences you so you’d better find a place to live where you’ll be positively influenced, so you’ll be influenced in ways you want to be and can live confidently in your beliefs. I’m sure when I go home I’ll find myself in a similar position that I am here, except in reverse. Here I’m always defending other beliefs, insisting that though flawed Reform and Conservative Judaism have something valuable to offer, and not just Judaism but also many other schools of thought that run contrary to Jewish thought. I for better or worse believe strongly in the mosaic. I believe that no one philosophy has a monopoly on the truth, that inevitably since the truth isn’t just for the Jewish people so to other religions and philosophies have discovered/ have had revealed to them elements of essential truth. Interestingly enough I know that when I get home I’ll be forced to take the other side of this argument. I know I’ll be dealing with people day in and day out who simply won’t understand choices I make regarding lifestyle. I’ll be faced with friends who don’t believe in objective truth. And will therefore find positions I may take as ludicrous. I know all these things, and it is my sincere hope that though my actions and words I’ll be able to help others see the world though my eyes, even when my vision may be a bit cloudy.

I’ve been in a real funk for a solid week now, I have no desire to be a practicing Jew, no desire to pray, eat kosher food, keep Shabbat, wear a kippa, nothing. This is by far the most apathetic I’ve been towards my religion in a very long time. I feel like in many ways I haven’t gotten anywhere in all these months, all I know for certain is that being a Jew and raising a Jewish family is the most important thing to me. But what does all that mean? How to I translate that into a coherent philosophy? With those questions I still struggle as I know many, many other people out there do as well. I think about the messianic age about what that really means for humanity. Is it just an abstract concept speaking of a time where the human race will get past our petty differences and see each other for what we really are, sparks of heavenly light; little tiny infinitely lacking specks of god. Or is it an actual physical reality, the Jews will rebuild the third temple, etc, etc, etc. I don’t know I wish I did. What I do know is despite all these questions I have unanswered time and life marches on.

Oh yea, I finally cut my hair it’s short again, I know I told people I wasn’t going to cut it until I got home but I hadn’t anticipated what summer here is really like. Its hot, I mean seriously hot all the time, after a talk with my dad I decided I was being borderline psychotic not cutting my hair when I was struggling with the heat just because I had some abstract idea in my head that I wanted to go home with a crazy mess of hair. It would have been fun though... oh well maybe I’ll just have to stay here another six months so I can let it grow back… just kidding, Shalom from beautiful (and hot!) Eretz Israel.