The road less traveled

I’m off the dereck, yup that’s right I said it I’m off the dereck. In case you don’t know dereck means path or way. So what I’m trying to say is I’m off the path. Or I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I had a conversation a while ago with a friend who told me that. My response was f*** you. As you might imagine that didn’t go over great with him. But you know something it really irritated me to hear him say it. There was an air of self righteousness in there that got under my skin. It’s a common thing to hear in the frum community. It generally speaking refers to someone who is slipping in their observance and I find it ridiculous, inane, sophomoric.

Why might you ask do it find it so absurd? It’s not because I myself have slipped in my observance and now find the idea of Torah Judaism to be repugnant. Although some may take it as such, it’s not because despite my slip in observance I feel some days that I’m closer to god now then I was before. Its not that I think that I’m doing the ‘right’ thing, that some how my interpretation and my life are ‘more’ correct then those who would use that colorful phrase to describe me. I don’t I just acknowledge that maybe, just maybe I’m on the right path, that I am in fact on the dereck.

How is it that I come to this conclusion? Our sages tell us that we can not judge someone until we have walked a mile in their shoes, the implication being that we can’t ever properly judge someone because we’re not them. We don’t know what they’ve been though and what ideas and experiences have helped shape them into who they are. In the case of me and the friend I’m referring to we’ve had very different experiences in our quests to find god and make sense of what that means. He started with Reform; he was friendly with the Rabbi who took him to all sorts of strange, possibly idolatrous happenings. Someone who lied to him about the Torah and eventually he broke away from it. He knew it wasn’t right and knew he needed to find something that was and as it stands now he’s happily observing Shabbat, keeping strictly kosher, learning at yeshiva part time, and integrating into a wonderful frum community. Mazal Tov my friend I love and respect him and wish him the best. I recognize that his collective experiences brought him to where he is now and that he is right where he needs to be. I on the other hand came to my Judaism with the orthodox community, I’m not counting my upbringing with Reform I never took it seriously, never went to Hebrew school, never had a bar mitzvah with them, and was never a part of the community unlike my friend.

My experiences started with Chabad, the Hasidic / modern orthodox communities in Brooklyn and Long Island and then eventually Aish and Israel. In short for the first three years of my learning I shunned anything was that not orthodox in its approach. Not that I was orthodox for the entire time, but that’s who I was learning from, that’s who was shaping my general approach and that’s who I identified with. I still identify with them, still see the world tinted through god fearing glasses, still find comfort and solace in an orthodox minyan, still don’t consider Reform a ligament Torah movement.

Now that I’m home I’m taking some time to expand my learning, to draw from less tradition sources, to integrate what I’ve learned into a coherent life philosophy that challenges me and forces me to keep growing and expanding but also fits into a life that makes me happy. Before my year at yeshiva in Israel I didn’t have the tools to do that. My ignorance was such that I wasn’t capable of doing so. Now though I am. Armed with a solid foundation I’m slowly adding tools to the box, slowly adding layers on top of the foundation, so when I’m faced with questions about my decisions, when I face obstacles and trials in my path I’ll be able to hold up to them and not topple over. I couldn’t be more on the dereck if I tried.