Send to me by a devoted reader of and commentator on this blog; my grandmother.
A fellow goes to the races for the first time and decides to look over the race horses in the paddock before placing his first bet. While there he sees a rabbi standing beside a horse due to run in the first race. The Rabbi is rocking back and forth in prayer.
He notes the number on the horse and for the heck of it puts a two dollar bet to win on the horse. It comes in paying 9-1. Collecting his money he goes down to the paddock and sees the Rabbi praying over another horse, this one due to run in the next race. He puts all his winnings on that horse to win and again he wins.
By the end of the eighth race his winnings total over five thousand. He decides the ninth will be his last race. He checks which horse the Rabbi is praying over and places all his money on that horse.
This time things are different. The horse the Rabbi was praying over trailed the field, ending up dead last
and all the man's winnings are lost.
He spots the Rabbi, runs up to him, and says, " Rabbi, I do not understand. I watched you pray over horses and I bet and won on every horse you prayed over. That is except on the ninth race. I lost all my money on the horse you were praying over.
The Rabbi looks at the fellow and says, "Tell me, are you Jewish?"
The man responds, "Yes. I am Jewish. I am a member of a reform synagogue."
The rabbi responds, “That’s the trouble with the reformed. They do not know the difference between a Brocha and Kaddish."
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My little girl
I remember it like it was yesterday… twelve days from my twelfth birthday she just up and walked into my life… I’d never known that you could just fall in love instantly, impenetrably, permanently… It was March fourth nineteen ninety six and it was all over for me… life would never be the same.
Shaina came into my family’s life as a bit of a surprise, the youngest of my aunt and uncle, the product of two families becoming one, the youngest of four (six really) we all knew she was destined for greatness, I knew it right from the start.
I always used to hate it when I was little and my older cousins and relatives would tell stories about the day I was born. Get nostalgic about the silly things I had done when I was little and now I’ve become one of them. This weekend I watched my little girl become an adult in the eyes of hakadosh Baruch hu (the holy one blessed be he) that’s right we had a bat mitzvah to attend and I couldn’t be more proud.
I watched her grow up; we live (d) only five minutes apart, my mom and her sister, the whole lot of us, together. I’ve always thought of us as one big family, I guess that’s what happens when you grow up in the same town, have the same teachers in middle school and high school. Grow up having Sunday dinners together so frequently it’s more of a surprise when there not happening.
…I’ve become what I hated it was ME this weekend telling those stories I used to hate, it was me bemoaning my advanced age, acting a fool, getting overly sentimental. My little girl is growing up; I don’t know how it happened.
Except of course I’ve seen it happen with my own two eyes, maybe that’s what makes it so unbelievable, I was there the whole time… Let us start at the beginning…
I’ve always felt a deep connection with Shaina, she has always been my little girl, look for a picture with the two of us in it, it’s a mortal lock me and her are together. She was born after we got home from Japan; I was struggling at the time, dealing with issues that it took me years and years to get over. She was the light that forced its way into my soul at a time when little else did. I remember holding her in my arms when she was days old. But we all knew right then and there how special she was.
Shaina just has a light about her, a natural grace that cannot be taught. When she laughs you just know that good is real in this world, she is a unique person in that she has room in her heart for everyone who wants to be there. Maybe that’s just because she is the youngest of four, six if you include me and my sister (I do) so she just had to be adaptable, easy going and amiable. I don’t care about the reason I just know that she is and that’s good enough for me.
This weekend she was a bat mitzvah, and she did an amazing job, confident and poised at the bimah, she really lead the service. In an unusual turn of events she actually LIKED the process, worked hard learning her Hebrew, put in the time to not just do it but excel at it, I always knew we were kindred spirits.
When I first got home from Israel I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about the whole thing, my aunt has been an active member of the local reform shul for a while now. I always hated it, me and my dad used to sit in the back and crack jokes, or when the prayers were happening I’d read the commentaries (signs of things to come, but I digress) so I had trepidation, a meeting with the Rabbi did little to quell my anxieties but I resolved to get over myself and do it for her. Not a hard decision when I thought of it like that.
I’m not going to lie the service felt foreign to me; I’ve spent the last three years or so learning about our tradition and now I found myself confused at services. I have my own issues with the changes in the service that I saw, but what made it okay for me was the joy I experienced watching Shaina read the prayers and talk about her Torah portion and the experience. Due to our proximity in birthdays our Torah portions are in the same part of Leviticus, they both deal with the minutia of building the Temple and making sacrifices. They are exoteric and exotic, the things they describe have not happened in over two thousand years. So I was anxious to hear what she got out of learning about her portion after having struggled to learn mine (and I was twenty three years old, not thirteen) she did a wonderful job, explaining the relevance of these passages in the context of our experience in the world we live in.
What I say to you today Shaina is this; your name means beautiful and you are a thousand fold. It is my hope and prayer that you will hold on to these experiences and god willing have many more moments like them. I hope that you continue questioning and searching, exploring your own spirituality and self actualizing your own unique neshama as you continue to grow and blossom into the amazing woman your just beginning to become. I pray the fire in your soul continues to grow and burn brightly and that HaShem blesses you over and over again. As he does for me every time I see you.
Amen.
Shaina came into my family’s life as a bit of a surprise, the youngest of my aunt and uncle, the product of two families becoming one, the youngest of four (six really) we all knew she was destined for greatness, I knew it right from the start.
I always used to hate it when I was little and my older cousins and relatives would tell stories about the day I was born. Get nostalgic about the silly things I had done when I was little and now I’ve become one of them. This weekend I watched my little girl become an adult in the eyes of hakadosh Baruch hu (the holy one blessed be he) that’s right we had a bat mitzvah to attend and I couldn’t be more proud.
I watched her grow up; we live (d) only five minutes apart, my mom and her sister, the whole lot of us, together. I’ve always thought of us as one big family, I guess that’s what happens when you grow up in the same town, have the same teachers in middle school and high school. Grow up having Sunday dinners together so frequently it’s more of a surprise when there not happening.
…I’ve become what I hated it was ME this weekend telling those stories I used to hate, it was me bemoaning my advanced age, acting a fool, getting overly sentimental. My little girl is growing up; I don’t know how it happened.
Except of course I’ve seen it happen with my own two eyes, maybe that’s what makes it so unbelievable, I was there the whole time… Let us start at the beginning…
I’ve always felt a deep connection with Shaina, she has always been my little girl, look for a picture with the two of us in it, it’s a mortal lock me and her are together. She was born after we got home from Japan; I was struggling at the time, dealing with issues that it took me years and years to get over. She was the light that forced its way into my soul at a time when little else did. I remember holding her in my arms when she was days old. But we all knew right then and there how special she was.
Shaina just has a light about her, a natural grace that cannot be taught. When she laughs you just know that good is real in this world, she is a unique person in that she has room in her heart for everyone who wants to be there. Maybe that’s just because she is the youngest of four, six if you include me and my sister (I do) so she just had to be adaptable, easy going and amiable. I don’t care about the reason I just know that she is and that’s good enough for me.
This weekend she was a bat mitzvah, and she did an amazing job, confident and poised at the bimah, she really lead the service. In an unusual turn of events she actually LIKED the process, worked hard learning her Hebrew, put in the time to not just do it but excel at it, I always knew we were kindred spirits.
When I first got home from Israel I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about the whole thing, my aunt has been an active member of the local reform shul for a while now. I always hated it, me and my dad used to sit in the back and crack jokes, or when the prayers were happening I’d read the commentaries (signs of things to come, but I digress) so I had trepidation, a meeting with the Rabbi did little to quell my anxieties but I resolved to get over myself and do it for her. Not a hard decision when I thought of it like that.
I’m not going to lie the service felt foreign to me; I’ve spent the last three years or so learning about our tradition and now I found myself confused at services. I have my own issues with the changes in the service that I saw, but what made it okay for me was the joy I experienced watching Shaina read the prayers and talk about her Torah portion and the experience. Due to our proximity in birthdays our Torah portions are in the same part of Leviticus, they both deal with the minutia of building the Temple and making sacrifices. They are exoteric and exotic, the things they describe have not happened in over two thousand years. So I was anxious to hear what she got out of learning about her portion after having struggled to learn mine (and I was twenty three years old, not thirteen) she did a wonderful job, explaining the relevance of these passages in the context of our experience in the world we live in.
What I say to you today Shaina is this; your name means beautiful and you are a thousand fold. It is my hope and prayer that you will hold on to these experiences and god willing have many more moments like them. I hope that you continue questioning and searching, exploring your own spirituality and self actualizing your own unique neshama as you continue to grow and blossom into the amazing woman your just beginning to become. I pray the fire in your soul continues to grow and burn brightly and that HaShem blesses you over and over again. As he does for me every time I see you.
Amen.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Shalosh
I haven't had much to say this month, I've needed some time to collect myself. But I was going through some old files today and found a few quotes that I just had to share. So today we get three posts, one original (because when there is snow on the ground everyone HAS to make a comment) and the two quotes, I don't know where I got this one, enjoy:
Judaism refuses the premature and easy options: despair on the one hand; consolation on the other. If either of those logical alternatives were true - either there is no justice or everything in the world is just - then we could live at peace with the world. But to be a Jew is to refuse those easy answers and to live within the tension which sees evil as real and therefore rejects premature consolation, acceptance of the world. And it is also to say that God is real and therefore hope is not an illusion. If God exists then life has a purpose. If evil exists then we have not yet achieved that purpose. Until then we must travel: lech lecha - like Abraham and Sarah traveled and as Jews have traveled ever since - el ha'aretz asher are'eka - to the land which I will show you - which is always just over the horizon which is always not quite yet.
Judaism refuses the premature and easy options: despair on the one hand; consolation on the other. If either of those logical alternatives were true - either there is no justice or everything in the world is just - then we could live at peace with the world. But to be a Jew is to refuse those easy answers and to live within the tension which sees evil as real and therefore rejects premature consolation, acceptance of the world. And it is also to say that God is real and therefore hope is not an illusion. If God exists then life has a purpose. If evil exists then we have not yet achieved that purpose. Until then we must travel: lech lecha - like Abraham and Sarah traveled and as Jews have traveled ever since - el ha'aretz asher are'eka - to the land which I will show you - which is always just over the horizon which is always not quite yet.
Words of Wisdom 3-20-2009
Words of wisdom from Rebbe Nachman of Breslov.
When one prays, he collects his letters and words as one who collects a bouquet of wild-flowers. Each letter doesn't want to part with the soul and so begs and pleads not be let free of the soul. When the letters join into words, the words plead even more. Therefore one must guard all of the letters in one's soul, so that when one is on the last word of the prayer, one remains on the first word of the prayer. At the end, one is still at the beginning, holding all the words of the prayer at once. (Likkutei Moharan I:62:b)
When one prays, he collects his letters and words as one who collects a bouquet of wild-flowers. Each letter doesn't want to part with the soul and so begs and pleads not be let free of the soul. When the letters join into words, the words plead even more. Therefore one must guard all of the letters in one's soul, so that when one is on the last word of the prayer, one remains on the first word of the prayer. At the end, one is still at the beginning, holding all the words of the prayer at once. (Likkutei Moharan I:62:b)
Snow Days
I awoke this morning to unexpected results, there was way too much white outside my window then there should have been. Half awake and incoherent I stumbled to the bathroom, washed my hands began my morning prayers, rubbed my eyes and opened the shades and behold! There was snow outside my window on March 20th I could hear the groans of everyone around, I thought we were over this!
I love it, love the unpredictability of it, love that Google reminded me that today is the first day of spring (what better way to kick off spring then a little snow) love that I didn’t have to battle my way to work (there are some minor victories to be had) love the stillness of a snow day.
It will all be gone my noon I would think but I can enjoy it out my window until it disappears… Shalom Aleichem
I love it, love the unpredictability of it, love that Google reminded me that today is the first day of spring (what better way to kick off spring then a little snow) love that I didn’t have to battle my way to work (there are some minor victories to be had) love the stillness of a snow day.
It will all be gone my noon I would think but I can enjoy it out my window until it disappears… Shalom Aleichem
Monday, March 16, 2009
Unscripted
I was watching Inside the Actors studio the other week, Conan O’Brien was on and he was talking about how he learned the art of improvisation. He spoke about his struggles with learning how to stay fluid in the moment and of a teacher he had who taught him that improv teaches one not to fear these moments*. Improv teaches us that in these moments are where the real gold is.
*these moments: REAL moments, unscripted, best chance to make a change
And I thought about how great a truth I had just heard otherwise. Because lately I had made a lot of plans and they all came crashing down on me in one glorious moment.
It was a hard blow to deal with… at the same time I have an unflinching belief that I’ll come out of this whole ordeal a better person. This is not foolish optimism, this is observation based on experience. I’ve gone though moments that felt like this one and initially I thought that all was lost, only to come out of the experience a more balanced, complete person, and I’ll (god willing) do it again.
Anywho I could go into a discussion about how life is one big play and we’re all actors upon the stage and I could quote Shakespeare to make my point. But I won’t this time because nothing else needs to be added when such truth is uttered.
It is in our unscripted moments when we are forced off of and out of our plans that the true gold is found. Those are our opportunities for greatness…if only we prepare ourselves for it.
*these moments: REAL moments, unscripted, best chance to make a change
And I thought about how great a truth I had just heard otherwise. Because lately I had made a lot of plans and they all came crashing down on me in one glorious moment.
It was a hard blow to deal with… at the same time I have an unflinching belief that I’ll come out of this whole ordeal a better person. This is not foolish optimism, this is observation based on experience. I’ve gone though moments that felt like this one and initially I thought that all was lost, only to come out of the experience a more balanced, complete person, and I’ll (god willing) do it again.
Anywho I could go into a discussion about how life is one big play and we’re all actors upon the stage and I could quote Shakespeare to make my point. But I won’t this time because nothing else needs to be added when such truth is uttered.
It is in our unscripted moments when we are forced off of and out of our plans that the true gold is found. Those are our opportunities for greatness…if only we prepare ourselves for it.
Going somewhere
I was speaking to a friend the other night and it got me thinking. We were discussing a friend of ours. Over the course of my time in Israel I talked many times the friend in question and found him to be a most gentile spirit, filled with a burning desire to find truth.
This friend had decided to go back to Israel for the third or fourth time in the last two years. This really confused me because the last time we had spoke (admittedly it was months ago) he seemed committed to coming back to America, finishing college and looking for a job… looking for a place in this world that he could call his own. Now he’s going back to Israel without a return ticket, back to Aish, back to being back.
I can’t help feeling a bit defeated by this, after all I took it as a personal mission in my time at Aish to encourage many lost souls to go back to college and finish what they started. To encourage them to look for a meaningful existence in moderation and to be open to the idea that fulfillment could come in all sorts of different packages.
So it was disheartening to learn that this friend didn’t really give it a fair shot… maybe that’s wrong of me to say, I haven’t been involved in his life much in the last six months but I do know a few things about life and one thing that I know is you MUST give things time, that you MUST not quit when things don’t go your way initially, you MUST be unreasonable at times and not give up on something just because it’s hard.
Coming back to America is like that…when you’ve spent the last two years going back and forth between Eretz Israel, Mitzriem and America, where is your home? Before to long your not sure if your coming or going, which way is up or down.
So I think I do understand the motivation to go back right now, truth be told I feel it a little myself at the moment, jobless, struggling to get my life back to where I want it to be, spiritually unfulfilled… It’s attractive to think about going back to yeshiva life… Days spent learning, going to lectures, celebrating weddings, bris, mourning deaths. Together in yeshiva… in Israel away from ones family and old friends… life is felt in its most tender moments viscerally… Some of the most real moments I have ever experienced were felt there.
But maybe I haven’t tried hard enough here and now; maybe those moments are waiting for me down the road. Maybe I still have other work to do before I’m allowed to really feel life like that again in all its faintest pastels and all its boldest, richest colors.
I hope and pray that my friend finds truth and clarity in his journeys but I fear he and many, many others like him will not. I fear they will never give themselves a chance to own up to the realities of life, a life outside the very small, very comfortable world that they’ve been shown.
Everybody’s trying so hard to go somewhere…they never end up anywhere at all…
This friend had decided to go back to Israel for the third or fourth time in the last two years. This really confused me because the last time we had spoke (admittedly it was months ago) he seemed committed to coming back to America, finishing college and looking for a job… looking for a place in this world that he could call his own. Now he’s going back to Israel without a return ticket, back to Aish, back to being back.
I can’t help feeling a bit defeated by this, after all I took it as a personal mission in my time at Aish to encourage many lost souls to go back to college and finish what they started. To encourage them to look for a meaningful existence in moderation and to be open to the idea that fulfillment could come in all sorts of different packages.
So it was disheartening to learn that this friend didn’t really give it a fair shot… maybe that’s wrong of me to say, I haven’t been involved in his life much in the last six months but I do know a few things about life and one thing that I know is you MUST give things time, that you MUST not quit when things don’t go your way initially, you MUST be unreasonable at times and not give up on something just because it’s hard.
Coming back to America is like that…when you’ve spent the last two years going back and forth between Eretz Israel, Mitzriem and America, where is your home? Before to long your not sure if your coming or going, which way is up or down.
So I think I do understand the motivation to go back right now, truth be told I feel it a little myself at the moment, jobless, struggling to get my life back to where I want it to be, spiritually unfulfilled… It’s attractive to think about going back to yeshiva life… Days spent learning, going to lectures, celebrating weddings, bris, mourning deaths. Together in yeshiva… in Israel away from ones family and old friends… life is felt in its most tender moments viscerally… Some of the most real moments I have ever experienced were felt there.
But maybe I haven’t tried hard enough here and now; maybe those moments are waiting for me down the road. Maybe I still have other work to do before I’m allowed to really feel life like that again in all its faintest pastels and all its boldest, richest colors.
I hope and pray that my friend finds truth and clarity in his journeys but I fear he and many, many others like him will not. I fear they will never give themselves a chance to own up to the realities of life, a life outside the very small, very comfortable world that they’ve been shown.
Everybody’s trying so hard to go somewhere…they never end up anywhere at all…
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Masada
Not so much to say about life this week, look for updates soon, until then:
http://mordagan.com/links/mezada/tourweaver_mezada.html
http://mordagan.com/links/mezada/tourweaver_mezada.html
Monday, March 9, 2009
Everything is AMAZING, nobody's happy
Today's moment of zen comes from the incomparable Lewis CK:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Joe versus the volcano
Joe verses the volcano was on cable recently and it got me thinking. Funny how you can experience something when you’re very little only to have it reappear again and mean something so different, while watching this movie a few things stood out.
First he starts our story as a broken man, once fearless and develops into a hopeless hypochondriac. Second he is diagnosed with a ‘brain cloud’ which has no symptoms but will eventually make him drop dead. Third all of the women he runs into are all the same, all played by Meg Ryan (back when she was adorable). Fourth it takes getting away from his old life, his old assumptions about himself until he can finally be free and ends with him starting into the mouth of a volcano and jumping in, only to be spit out and finding out that there never was anything wrong with him, it was always all in his head.
Let us examine this story for some meaningful themes.
Our hero much like many others starts off broken and afraid of everything. Until his is liberated by a lie (that he’s dieing) this allows him to break free of his neurosis and just live without reservation.
He is told he has a brain cloud which is strictly speaking false but in a broader sense is completely true. He has allowed himself to get confused. He loses touch with reality, sitting at his desk, below ground; he trades his soul for safety. He allows his fear of change to prohibit him from truly living.
The truth (which is really a lie, but is more literally the truth) sets him free. He comes alive again; he quits his job, takes a girl out, brings her home (before she comically runs out on him for being a little too honest) and gets on a boat heading for who knows where. He opts for adventure and excitement he takes an uncharted path and in doing so finds true freedom.
Eventually he faces the volcano and tanks to some wonderful timing and the love of a good woman he jumps into the fiery inferno only to come away unscathed. He faces his fears, and comes out better.
It made me think about our own personal volcanoes and about the trials that we all must deal with about the brain clouds that inhibit us all. The road to true freedom is to push past all of our assumptions about life and simply live it, fully, and vibrantly and passionately. Just like Joe our everyman and his volcano.
First he starts our story as a broken man, once fearless and develops into a hopeless hypochondriac. Second he is diagnosed with a ‘brain cloud’ which has no symptoms but will eventually make him drop dead. Third all of the women he runs into are all the same, all played by Meg Ryan (back when she was adorable). Fourth it takes getting away from his old life, his old assumptions about himself until he can finally be free and ends with him starting into the mouth of a volcano and jumping in, only to be spit out and finding out that there never was anything wrong with him, it was always all in his head.
Let us examine this story for some meaningful themes.
Our hero much like many others starts off broken and afraid of everything. Until his is liberated by a lie (that he’s dieing) this allows him to break free of his neurosis and just live without reservation.
He is told he has a brain cloud which is strictly speaking false but in a broader sense is completely true. He has allowed himself to get confused. He loses touch with reality, sitting at his desk, below ground; he trades his soul for safety. He allows his fear of change to prohibit him from truly living.
The truth (which is really a lie, but is more literally the truth) sets him free. He comes alive again; he quits his job, takes a girl out, brings her home (before she comically runs out on him for being a little too honest) and gets on a boat heading for who knows where. He opts for adventure and excitement he takes an uncharted path and in doing so finds true freedom.
Eventually he faces the volcano and tanks to some wonderful timing and the love of a good woman he jumps into the fiery inferno only to come away unscathed. He faces his fears, and comes out better.
It made me think about our own personal volcanoes and about the trials that we all must deal with about the brain clouds that inhibit us all. The road to true freedom is to push past all of our assumptions about life and simply live it, fully, and vibrantly and passionately. Just like Joe our everyman and his volcano.
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