The realities of a new city and a new life have finally begun to settle in. I’ve had my ups and downs this last week…it is to be expected, but a lot of positives have emerged.
For one I think that Boston is going to be a good place for me to find out where I’m holding with my practice. It’s got a nice orthodox community and I’m working at a very traditional conservative Jewish organization. I think that by in large I’ve ignored the conservative movement in large part because it’s the community I agree with the most in terms of my practice and I’d like to get a chance to see what that community feels like to be a part of.
I've also made a few friends in the orthodox community that god willing will open up opportunities for me to continue my learning and grow.
I've also come to realize that my time in Israel and the growth it expatiated was truly profound. The way that I approach relationships has changed because of it. It made me realize that many of the decisions I made / make where I try to minimize damage by telling half truths, by constructing almost real stories are the relationships where I hurt the people involved in the exact way that I was attempting to prevent. Only now that I lied or in any event didn’t tell the whole truth it made it far worse than if I had just said what I meant.
I was thinking that a Rabbi in Jerusalem told me that spending time in yeshiva, is never a waste of time, that not everyone makes the same choices spirituality and personally but the goal is the emerge from the experience with far more power than one ever thinks they have. He claimed that when you walk out of that kind of experience that you have to be careful of the power you now have. The strength of the words has only just hit me.
I emerged from Israel and then time spent at home in NJ with a brand new perspective on life, with a new kind of empowerment about the possibilities and the vast ranges of the human experience. I emerged in a new place with new possibilities.
I did so not because I had choices that were easy but because I made choices that were hard. I think this morning of the binding of Isaac, of a story I was told of Abrahams struggle with gods instructions to him and what he knew he must do and I know ultimately we all must have a dialectic relationship with hakadosh baruch hu, what emerges is you and me, me and you, gone is just me now a relationship exists, now a dialogue emerges from which a conservation starts.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
Boston, MA
Boston: I finally made it…let’s start at the beginning…
One week ago I was in New Jersey, packing, not eating bread, packing, getting ready to go. Today I’m sitting at my new desk, at my new job. To say that my life has changed is an understatement. I left for my new life on Tuesday morning. I got to the halfway point and stopped. I could go no further. There weren’t any mechanical issues, I didn’t have to go to the bathroom (…okay that’s a lie, but go with me on this one) and I wasn’t interested in stopping off at my old alma mater.
Nope.
So what was I doing? Good question.
I stopped to celebrate the last two days of Pesach with good friends, some of whom I hadn’t even met yet. I was a little nervous usually I have trouble with two days chag’s (holidays) they can be fairly intense and I had plenty of other things to do without spending two days resting and not taking care of those things. I also have an obsessive mind, once I get an idea in my head, once I have a task ahead of me, I want to do it. I don’t want to wait; I can’t stand the anticipation, when I’m ready to go I just go. But I was determined to finish off the holiday the right way, and I did.
I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. My new friends were welcoming and friendly. The food was excellent. The conversation was lively. When it was all over I could hardly believe it. I left feeling like a holy yid I spent the last year in exile, now my freedom was truly about to begin. I was told by one of my new friends,”your life is about to change completely” boy oh boy didn’t I know it.
I left for Boston in the morning, the sky was blue; the traffic light and in no time I was moving into my new pad. I blew in like a bat out of hell; I can only imagine what my new roommates thought of me. I was exuding energy and excitement, Pesach energized me, the prospect of my new job, and new life had lit a fire underneath me.
Here’s the thing about the last two weeks, I had no time to think about my new adventure. Passover, Easter, packing, etc all distracted me. There was just so much going on that there was no point in over thinking it. Now I’m beginning to decompress, beginning to learn my way around the city, beginning to get to know the Jewish communities, beginning to get used to the idea that this isn’t a vacation, its life and it’s scary and confusing, and weird and really, really good.
“God saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good. “ – Bereshit 1:31
Shalom Aleichem
One week ago I was in New Jersey, packing, not eating bread, packing, getting ready to go. Today I’m sitting at my new desk, at my new job. To say that my life has changed is an understatement. I left for my new life on Tuesday morning. I got to the halfway point and stopped. I could go no further. There weren’t any mechanical issues, I didn’t have to go to the bathroom (…okay that’s a lie, but go with me on this one) and I wasn’t interested in stopping off at my old alma mater.
Nope.
So what was I doing? Good question.
I stopped to celebrate the last two days of Pesach with good friends, some of whom I hadn’t even met yet. I was a little nervous usually I have trouble with two days chag’s (holidays) they can be fairly intense and I had plenty of other things to do without spending two days resting and not taking care of those things. I also have an obsessive mind, once I get an idea in my head, once I have a task ahead of me, I want to do it. I don’t want to wait; I can’t stand the anticipation, when I’m ready to go I just go. But I was determined to finish off the holiday the right way, and I did.
I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. My new friends were welcoming and friendly. The food was excellent. The conversation was lively. When it was all over I could hardly believe it. I left feeling like a holy yid I spent the last year in exile, now my freedom was truly about to begin. I was told by one of my new friends,”your life is about to change completely” boy oh boy didn’t I know it.
I left for Boston in the morning, the sky was blue; the traffic light and in no time I was moving into my new pad. I blew in like a bat out of hell; I can only imagine what my new roommates thought of me. I was exuding energy and excitement, Pesach energized me, the prospect of my new job, and new life had lit a fire underneath me.
Here’s the thing about the last two weeks, I had no time to think about my new adventure. Passover, Easter, packing, etc all distracted me. There was just so much going on that there was no point in over thinking it. Now I’m beginning to decompress, beginning to learn my way around the city, beginning to get to know the Jewish communities, beginning to get used to the idea that this isn’t a vacation, its life and it’s scary and confusing, and weird and really, really good.
“God saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good. “ – Bereshit 1:31
Shalom Aleichem
Monday, April 13, 2009
Bread of Affliction
Do you know what the problem with Passover is? I can never get totally full, after every meal, a short time later I find that my stomach is rumbling. That I cannot get that completely satisfied feeling that I so desire. Matzoth is called the bread of affliction, we eat it because once we were slaves in the land of Egypt and now we are free. We eat it to remind ourselves of that… and you know what? It does the trick.
I just can’t get full this week.
Go figure, bread, leaven bread, complex carbohydrates fill us up in a way that no other food seems to. You remember what your mother used to tell you when you went out to eat. Don’t fill up on bread…you won’t be able to eat your dinner. How wise Mommy appears now. Because without leaven bread I can’t get full, I can’t feel fully satisfied after and meal and after just a few short days that point really begins to hit home. Try as I may, I am not satisfied.
Sure I’ve still eaten well. My mother god bless her has gone to great lengths this year to make me feel comfortable eating at home over the holiday, the kitchen was cleaned, the bread moved out, sold to my non-Jewish father. I had the honor of leading my family as we recounted the Exodus story. I felt so alive as I recounted the story bringing down commentaries that inspired me. Trying to navigate the complexities of complicated past; afterward I stared at the yahrtzeit candles burning brightly into the night, a tribute to those who could not be with us that night. I thought of my grandfather Sydney and my Uncle Michael who used to lead us. What I did was about them, it was about keeping the fragile, beautiful chain alive though one more generation (Moshicah now!).
Easter dinner this year featured a kosher turkey and a whole side of the table devoid of chametz, the whole other side of the family couldn’t figure out why I didn’t have a place setting at the table, choosing instead to sit on the couch (no chametz contamination on my plate). It was above and beyond my expectations.
Yet I’m not satisfied this week, I know I won’t get that just right, completely full feeling until Thursday night or Friday morning when I cast aside the bread of affliction and grab a nice, fluffy, beautiful piece of the bread of freedom (did I just make that up?), so until then I’ll long for that feeling.
Funny last time this year I felt oversaturated to many months of yeshiva, to many months of immersion dulled my senses. I could not fully appreciate what was going on around me. Sure Pesach was magical in Jerusalem; I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. But I wasn’t into it. This year I felt starved immersing myself in the holiday, knowing I’m about to start living my own life once again has reinvigorated.
Once I was a slave in the land of Egypt, now I am free.
Shalom Aleichem.
I just can’t get full this week.
Go figure, bread, leaven bread, complex carbohydrates fill us up in a way that no other food seems to. You remember what your mother used to tell you when you went out to eat. Don’t fill up on bread…you won’t be able to eat your dinner. How wise Mommy appears now. Because without leaven bread I can’t get full, I can’t feel fully satisfied after and meal and after just a few short days that point really begins to hit home. Try as I may, I am not satisfied.
Sure I’ve still eaten well. My mother god bless her has gone to great lengths this year to make me feel comfortable eating at home over the holiday, the kitchen was cleaned, the bread moved out, sold to my non-Jewish father. I had the honor of leading my family as we recounted the Exodus story. I felt so alive as I recounted the story bringing down commentaries that inspired me. Trying to navigate the complexities of complicated past; afterward I stared at the yahrtzeit candles burning brightly into the night, a tribute to those who could not be with us that night. I thought of my grandfather Sydney and my Uncle Michael who used to lead us. What I did was about them, it was about keeping the fragile, beautiful chain alive though one more generation (Moshicah now!).
Easter dinner this year featured a kosher turkey and a whole side of the table devoid of chametz, the whole other side of the family couldn’t figure out why I didn’t have a place setting at the table, choosing instead to sit on the couch (no chametz contamination on my plate). It was above and beyond my expectations.
Yet I’m not satisfied this week, I know I won’t get that just right, completely full feeling until Thursday night or Friday morning when I cast aside the bread of affliction and grab a nice, fluffy, beautiful piece of the bread of freedom (did I just make that up?), so until then I’ll long for that feeling.
Funny last time this year I felt oversaturated to many months of yeshiva, to many months of immersion dulled my senses. I could not fully appreciate what was going on around me. Sure Pesach was magical in Jerusalem; I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. But I wasn’t into it. This year I felt starved immersing myself in the holiday, knowing I’m about to start living my own life once again has reinvigorated.
Once I was a slave in the land of Egypt, now I am free.
Shalom Aleichem.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Pesach
Pesach is a time to leave behind our old assumptions about life and move forward. It is a time of renewal and revival. This Passover has me thinking about those themes, about liberation and bondage, freedom and duty.
I’m thinking about those themes I suppose because for the first time ever I’m leading our family’s Seder, that’s right it’s all on me, I’ve had a month to prepare… so naturally we’re a day away and I’m just starting to get my thoughts in order. In my defense I’ve had other things to do, not the least of which involves getting ready to move to a new city and start a new life. I’m excited to do that but now I need to turn my back on my own personal Exodus and get down to business.
Pesach is about my peoples liberation from the land of Egypt (Mitzriem in Hebrew) Egypt represents constriction, narrowness of thought and inability to see beyond our physical natures. Egypt was a physical culture, they’re understanding of the movements of the stars in the heavens is unrivaled even to this day. They were a people who knew and trusted their knowledge of the physical world. We as Jew’s know that the physical world is a constricting places, that if we only focus on what we see, hear, taste, touch, etc we’re missing out on many important aspects of life.
We reject the idea that the world is simple, that understanding is always reasonable, that everything has a solution. This time of year is a time when our tradition forces us to think about those ideas and to recognize the importance of that which is beyond our understanding.
That is one idea, another is that god brought us out of the slavery of Egypt, only to burden us with a new kind of slavery, mainly the acceptance of the Torah as binding and the duty to uphold it as far as our knowledge of it understands it as best as we can. So we were liberated only to be made slaves once again.
This is a powerful idea. After all we all want freedom; we all desire to make our own decisions and to do whatever we want when we want to. That is what we traditionally think of as freedom. The Torah rejects that idea. Instead supplementing it with the idea that freedom is the right to choose your own master that freedom is in many ways an illusion. That we all serve other things, other people, other ideas. That no matter how hard we try, we are not free. So in accepting the Torah, in rejecting Egypt we’re given our freedom.
Those are a few of my thoughts on Passover for this year. We are given a unique opportunity every year at this time to contemplate these themes. To see beyond what we thought was real or even possible and choose what we want out of the next year. It’s a gift, may we all be blessed this year to see beyond our old assumptions and accept our own unique missions in this world.
Shalom...Next Year in Jerusalem.
I’m thinking about those themes I suppose because for the first time ever I’m leading our family’s Seder, that’s right it’s all on me, I’ve had a month to prepare… so naturally we’re a day away and I’m just starting to get my thoughts in order. In my defense I’ve had other things to do, not the least of which involves getting ready to move to a new city and start a new life. I’m excited to do that but now I need to turn my back on my own personal Exodus and get down to business.
Pesach is about my peoples liberation from the land of Egypt (Mitzriem in Hebrew) Egypt represents constriction, narrowness of thought and inability to see beyond our physical natures. Egypt was a physical culture, they’re understanding of the movements of the stars in the heavens is unrivaled even to this day. They were a people who knew and trusted their knowledge of the physical world. We as Jew’s know that the physical world is a constricting places, that if we only focus on what we see, hear, taste, touch, etc we’re missing out on many important aspects of life.
We reject the idea that the world is simple, that understanding is always reasonable, that everything has a solution. This time of year is a time when our tradition forces us to think about those ideas and to recognize the importance of that which is beyond our understanding.
That is one idea, another is that god brought us out of the slavery of Egypt, only to burden us with a new kind of slavery, mainly the acceptance of the Torah as binding and the duty to uphold it as far as our knowledge of it understands it as best as we can. So we were liberated only to be made slaves once again.
This is a powerful idea. After all we all want freedom; we all desire to make our own decisions and to do whatever we want when we want to. That is what we traditionally think of as freedom. The Torah rejects that idea. Instead supplementing it with the idea that freedom is the right to choose your own master that freedom is in many ways an illusion. That we all serve other things, other people, other ideas. That no matter how hard we try, we are not free. So in accepting the Torah, in rejecting Egypt we’re given our freedom.
Those are a few of my thoughts on Passover for this year. We are given a unique opportunity every year at this time to contemplate these themes. To see beyond what we thought was real or even possible and choose what we want out of the next year. It’s a gift, may we all be blessed this year to see beyond our old assumptions and accept our own unique missions in this world.
Shalom...Next Year in Jerusalem.
Friday, April 3, 2009
South Park, CO
Please check out the wonderful interview with the creators of South Park aka the most relevant show on television today, money quote:
"We have very few problems with Comedy Central, they love us because we're making them a lot of money. And we're rich enough now that we have no one to be afraid of out there."
"We have very few problems with Comedy Central, they love us because we're making them a lot of money. And we're rich enough now that we have no one to be afraid of out there."
Israel and Iran
From Jeffrey Goldberg clarification on his recent article: Stop Iran or I will
This is a very serious issue of our time, it is unacceptable to allow a member of our global community to make such threats again another. Iran will not go away and they must be dealt with, obviously political and social maneuvering are the best option but we can not dismiss a military option if those avenues fail.
"Iran has threatened to annihilate a state or to have a state wiped off the map of the world. In historical terms, this is an astounding thing. It's a monumental outrage that goes effectively unchallenged in the court of public opinion. Sure, there are perfunctory condemnations, but there's no j'accuse - there's no shock and there's a resigned acceptance that this is acceptable practice. Bad things tend to get worse if they're not challenged early. Iranian leaders talk about Israel's destruction or disappearance while simultaneously creating weapons to ensure its disappearance."
I followed this statement with a question: Is there any chance that Iran could be stopped through non-military means? Netanyahu responded: "Yes I do, but only if the military option is left on the table."
Based on all these statements, I think it's fair to say that Netanyahu, when he comes to America, will tell President Obama that should America fail to suppress the Iranian nuclear program, Israel will have to try.
This is a very serious issue of our time, it is unacceptable to allow a member of our global community to make such threats again another. Iran will not go away and they must be dealt with, obviously political and social maneuvering are the best option but we can not dismiss a military option if those avenues fail.
"Iran has threatened to annihilate a state or to have a state wiped off the map of the world. In historical terms, this is an astounding thing. It's a monumental outrage that goes effectively unchallenged in the court of public opinion. Sure, there are perfunctory condemnations, but there's no j'accuse - there's no shock and there's a resigned acceptance that this is acceptable practice. Bad things tend to get worse if they're not challenged early. Iranian leaders talk about Israel's destruction or disappearance while simultaneously creating weapons to ensure its disappearance."
I followed this statement with a question: Is there any chance that Iran could be stopped through non-military means? Netanyahu responded: "Yes I do, but only if the military option is left on the table."
Based on all these statements, I think it's fair to say that Netanyahu, when he comes to America, will tell President Obama that should America fail to suppress the Iranian nuclear program, Israel will have to try.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Trade winds
This morning I’m meditating on the idea of change and of adventure and year and a half ago I embarked on one adventure, this blog and the subsequent ideas that have ended up on in are a direct result of that one action. Now today, this morning I’m once again thinking about adventure.
After spending the last five days in CT and then Mass I arrived home refreshed, exhausted but refreshed. It was a good week, Shabbat was amazing, the drive to Boston pleasant, a job offer and two hour drive later I was in Amherst to spend a little quality time with my cousin. It was a good week.
Now I’m contemplating moving to Boston and starting all over again… It’s scary to think about I felt like I was done with the adventures for a while, after all if I had gotten a job in New York it wouldn’t have been scary, I would have been going home. Now I’m almost certain I won’t be going home. Instead once again just like my ancestors, I’m getting ready to pick up and start over.
I’m not scared; nervous, anxious and stressed out are more accurate. There will be once I call and formally accept a lot of work to do. I’ll need to move, fast, get all my stuff together and just go. I’ve done this before which makes it easier. I have a record of accomplishment in this area; I am as my mother said to me last night no longer the child who was afraid of his shadow. I’m excited about new possibilities and new people. I’m ready to move ahead with my life and if this job gives me that in these somewhat troubled times then I’ll be content.
Meanwhile I once again find myself at a turning point. I’m going to try not to get all emotional and freaked out like I did when I graduated college and put my roommates through weeks of theorizing and speculating about the meaning of it all. But I have great faith in the order of the universe and I’m ready to embrace a new challenge, god willing I’ll be up to it.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do...Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain
After spending the last five days in CT and then Mass I arrived home refreshed, exhausted but refreshed. It was a good week, Shabbat was amazing, the drive to Boston pleasant, a job offer and two hour drive later I was in Amherst to spend a little quality time with my cousin. It was a good week.
Now I’m contemplating moving to Boston and starting all over again… It’s scary to think about I felt like I was done with the adventures for a while, after all if I had gotten a job in New York it wouldn’t have been scary, I would have been going home. Now I’m almost certain I won’t be going home. Instead once again just like my ancestors, I’m getting ready to pick up and start over.
I’m not scared; nervous, anxious and stressed out are more accurate. There will be once I call and formally accept a lot of work to do. I’ll need to move, fast, get all my stuff together and just go. I’ve done this before which makes it easier. I have a record of accomplishment in this area; I am as my mother said to me last night no longer the child who was afraid of his shadow. I’m excited about new possibilities and new people. I’m ready to move ahead with my life and if this job gives me that in these somewhat troubled times then I’ll be content.
Meanwhile I once again find myself at a turning point. I’m going to try not to get all emotional and freaked out like I did when I graduated college and put my roommates through weeks of theorizing and speculating about the meaning of it all. But I have great faith in the order of the universe and I’m ready to embrace a new challenge, god willing I’ll be up to it.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do...Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain
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