New York, New York

I’ve been trying to write on a regular basis since I got to Israel, but I’ve found it extremely difficult since I got here. There are many reasons for this, first and foremost being that now ten hours of my day are consumed by yeshiva learning, the second reason is I don’t spend nearly as much time on / around my computer as I used to, thirdly much time after classes is spent talking to the guys about what we learned, or how we’re feeling about the experience. With that much focus placed on personal growth, on internal transformation many times when I do sit down to write I find myself out of ideas, I feel as though I’ve spent so much time working out how I’m feeling or a question that’s been bugging me that I don’t need to work it out. And when you’re in an environment like this one how much time are you really going to spend analyzing your experience. Some of the time you just have to be in the experience or you’ll have wasted all your time sitting on the side lines, being an observer. And yet I’m living half a world away. And I want all the people I have such a hard time connecting to, to know where I stand, what I’m feeling. It’s important, its necessary for me to let everyone know why I’m still here, and how much I’m questioning, struggling and learning. I always tell people I take it one day at a time that I wake up everyday and remake the decision to still be here, even if it means being uncomfortable some of the time, because I know I made the right decision to be here, even when I’m New York City dreaming…