Muddy Wheels

I’ve been feeling extremely directionless over the last month or so, and I’m not entirely sure what to do about it. When I left New York I knew or at least thought I knew what I was getting myself into. I thought however naively that this wasn’t really that big a deal, I thought on some level it would all be fun and games. Now the reality has set in I’ve been in the Holy Land for a little over five months. I in short live here, I have a life, and friends I’m once again feeling tied down only this time I feel tied down to a life that I don’t really like, and that’s not any easy thing to admit. I’ve loved being here learned, exploring, asking the must fundamental questions concerning existence. And yet I don’t feel like I’m getting what I need, because after five months I have more questions then answers (an unfortunate consequence of learning more) and I still have not resolved a single question of my religious observance. I have no clear cut answers(not that I should have expected to get any) More and more I just want to go home, but then I think about that for a while and what would I really be going home to? Back to work doing a job that I don’t have any interest in? Or do I continue studying, finding a way to make some money? Or maybe I’ll stay find something else to keep my interest until I can figure out a real plan. One idea I have been kicking around is going home and finding a religious family to live with, rent out a room and see if this is really what I want out of life. In many ways I think this might be the only way for me to figure it out, at least enough to get me moving again. I don’t know but I do have faith I’ll work it out when? I don’t know, what I do know is right now I’m not moving; in fact my wheels have been spinning around in the mud for far too long…