Brighton

Three Shabbats and two weeks living in Boston and I’m wondering how time has moved so quickly. Just a little while ago I was in NJ wondering when I’d get a chance to begin really living again. Now I’m wondering if I’ll have enough time to do all the things I want to do.

Thank god for change, thank god for answered prayers. While pursuing a religious life I’ve found one important aspect of my understanding of the nature of god is recognizing when prayers are truly answered… and I know how this sounds but it’s been an important thing for me. After losing my job in NY I realized I just needed to get out of Jersey, to go somewhere else, to do something different.

So I prayed for it, hoped for it, believed it was possible.

I told god, just get me out of here, give me something new to do and I’ll take it from there, give me a little push, I’ll take it from there. That’s precisely what I got. On my way to Massachusetts I stopped in Connecticut and met an awesome guy while I was there, who oh yea lives a half mile away from me. I had a good friend introduce me to some of his friends in the area, and I’ve found a community that has opened its arms to me.

I’d call it an amazing coincidence but I know better than that by now. Does this all sound a bit mystical?

It should.

It is.

Far too often we fail to see what is right in front of our noses, we fail to recognize answered prayers, we fail to realize that we have the ability to seize opportunity and run with it. We fail to take responsibility for our own desires.

In Boston, I’ve found a community that has embraced me, not a fake me, but the real me. I’ve found people of great faith and character who I can be honest with about my strengths and failings. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it. I immersed myself in Israel, in Torah for ten months. Nine months in New Jersey removed from a community, healed or put distance from wounds inflicted by people who didn’t know any better.

Maybe it’s me, I know that over the course of time I’ve grown far more comfortable in my own practice, in my own ever changing sometimes contradictory philosophy. That must play some role, after all if you don’t like yourself, if you’re not comfortable with yourself how will others ever be able to accept you?

I’ve found great clarity in purpose…at least for the moment and I’ve made my own decisions about what is ultimately important to me.

It’s funny that I’m so taken with the Jewish community in the Brighton/Brookline area because it’s a much more relaxed community then New York. It’s smaller and more intimate. Everyone knows everyone.

Ironically this is a double negative; the exact reason that I like the community here so much more is the exact reason I like the city itself less. Boston is a sleepy college town, it’s quirky and cool, but ultimately it’s quiet. Whereas New York is the city that never sleeps, the big apple, you name it; it can be all things and everything to everyone.

I’ve been realizing that the hardest thing to do as a human being is to commit to something, not just for a week or a month but for years. When you stop saying this is what I’m doing for now in a year I’ll be… that’s when life gets scary. It’s easy to always be looking, to always be on the move. Hell it’s what I’ve done for the last four years and I’ve had a great time doing it.

I’ve seen and experienced much. I’m happy for those times but I’m also committed to here and now. To picking a shul, to picking a community and saying this is who I am, these are my friends and mentors and though I recognize the value of change, I also recognize the value of commitment and that’s what I’m doing now.

It’s what I was looking for…(or maybe I don’t know anything)