Two Months

October is drawing swiftly to a close and I can hardly believe it. Has it really been two months since I've been home? Last week I spent with a very close friend I met in Israel. It was very weird, since coming home the two of us have gone in different directions, both of us have thought a lot and dealt with a lot and started to make our way though our experiences. And thats a good thing. In many ways I've struggled with things I thought I had moved beyond since I've gotten home. On the other hand it has taken being here to realize just how far I went and that I was not as secure with decisions I made in Israel as I thought I was, and of course theres still that girl I left behind. She lingers in the back of my head even though I try to push her out of it. I guess we're all haunted by past relationships. It's inevitable especially given the fact that, I'm currently looking for a job, living at home and not really able to move on with my life. All of my goals depend on having an income, I can't move out of here until then. I can not live my life my way without a way to feed myself. Its a very basic thing.

As I was saying I spent the better part of a week with a good friend from Israel. It was great to get away from New Jersey, interview for a job in Boston and get a chance to live Jewishly again for a week. We built a sukkah together, shook the four kinds and engaged in many, many, many discussions about life in America and the transition and the inevitable issues that come up along with it. I don't really know what else to say about the experience except it was exactly what I needed at exactly the time I needed it and once again I found myself in awe of the neatly ordered nature of the universe and gods creation. And so once again I am at home, looking for a job in a terrible job market. I can not pretend that I'm finding it an easy experience, I'm not. But after a week like the one I had, I do know that I will survive this experience. That given time and patience I'll be a better person for my time spent in exile.

I dreamed the most vivid dream about Jerusalem the other day. I thought about the way the sun hits the golden stones in the old city the way it seems to shimmer right before sunset. About the crowds of people, who throng in every day to see a piece of their heritage. Because Jerusalem belongs to the world, it is one of those unique places in the world that truly belongs to every single person. I think about it and I miss it. I think about the famous quotation from Psalm 137(I had to look it up) : If I forget you, O Jerusalem, May my right hand forget her skill. I think about what that means. Literally I have to believe it means that should I forget Jerusalem, my right hand will forget how to tie my teffilin. That is a powerful message, if I forget about my people, my land, my heritage my hands will forget how to / to wear my teffilin. For me this was the first mitzvah that I took on. When boys turn 13 and begin to enter the community properly as men it is the first thing they do. This is a serious thing. I don't know its what I think about when I think about this passage and it means a great deal to me. I'll end here for now. Shalom.