The Final Frontier

I’ve been dealing recently with the idea of duality. In other words how to deal with opposing forces / ideas. This is not such a simple thing and it is not the first time I’ve struggled with it. I find that inevitably in my most trying time’s spirituality this is the idea that I come back to. An example I identify myself with my body when I look in the mirror and see my face that’s me, that’s my identity. And that body that I am directs me in certain ways, its greats hungry and I feed it, I lusts and wants and desires and I deal with those feelings, its falls in love with every pretty girl its sees on the subway, etc. On the other hand I live by a set of codes and of ethics. I will do this, I won’t do that. I know that I should be identifying myself by what I know is true, that I should strive to identify myself and my actions with what I know to be reality, what I know to be true. Buts its not always such an easy thing.

Lately I have been having a very hard time with this. My mind and by consequence my body as well are stuck in the lower places. I’m having trouble shaping and channeling my desires. I think that a lot of this has to do with being in what I consider stasis. I’m working, I’m commuting four hours a day, and my day consists of little besides my work routine. So I find that my mind to gets stuck in a cycle. It’s a form of atrophy and its feels like a slow suicide. That’s a huge exaggeration but that’s how its feels and often that’s all that matters. The reality and the perceived reality blend together and become in disguisable; it is that duality thing I have been talking about.

So what’s the solution to all of this? While I am not totally sure I know it could be eased by allowing myself to move on. To find a new space to make a new place for myself is the key. I am a very place oriented person; I crave space of my own. A place where I get to make the rules where I get to define the reality and place that is truly my own. It’s finny that I can be aware of that and yet still get stuck into the traps that living without that create for me. So strange, so very, very strange that it has to be like this…