Doubt in the face of certainty, certainty in the face of doubt

Its not often I set out with a theme in mind before I start writing but everyone once in a while it just sort of happens. What I've been thinking about a lot lately is this sort of an idea, the feelings of absolute certainty that I feel while simultaneously faced with massive, almost paralyzing doubts about my direction. My year in Israel highlighted this for me, how do I deal with absolute truth in the face of raging doubts? After much contemplation I'm still not sure except to say this, living in Israel particularly Jerusalem means living in a world that doesn't exist anywhere else. And spending so much time there and feeling like you fit in in that place and that you belong really clouds your ability to see past in, despite my feelings at the time that I was in fact above it. How foolish, how naive of me, how arrogant of me to think that I could be in a place like that and not be effected by it. Which is not to say I didn't think that Jerusalem didn't effect me at all, however I so glibly assumed that given my abilities I could in some ways remain above and aloof from it. But you know the reality is that I didn't, no one can. Now faced with America, and New York I'm no longer so naive. I noticed it almost immediately this time. The way that the land and the culture bends and shapes me, and you know what? I'm cool with it, I'm realizing now, more and more that I can't escape from it no one is above it and you know what? That's not such a bad thing, it actually an if not amazing thing then at least a positive one. Because without that 'ability' without that innovation in our beings, we as a species could never exist. We'd be torn apart by our differences and opposed to united by our similarities. The books of the prophets confirm this and now scientific research backs it up. It's our natural tendency to try to 'be like the Joneses' and it can lead to terrible things, it lead to Am Israel's destruction when they starting worshiping the idols of their non-Israelite neighbors. But it's also why I sit comfortably today in a cooperative and generally just society. And so I arrive back at my starting point. Which goes something like this: I exist in two worlds on the one hand I'm an Israelite and I know succumbing to the idols around me is wrong and will ultimately lead to my destruction. One the other hand I'm surrounded by a society that doesn't know and doesn't care. And I like both worlds, I won;t sacrifice either. I refuse to run away from my family and friends and cut my self off from their world. And yet I don't live in their world, and the more I learn and grow the less I identify with it. I'm certain I'm right and I doubt that I'll ever go back, nor do I want to but I still want an anchor a point of commonality. I really don't want to lose my mind. I want to be able to relate to the world I grew up in and still love. And so here I am stuck with doubt in the face of certainty and certainty in the face of doubt.