Kicking Around

What to do, what to do, what to do indeed. Its been a week since I arrived safely in New York, and what a week its been. It took me the better part of the week just to feel like I was actually here. Ten months is a long time, longer then it felt. And I'm at at home just relaxing but also stressing and being bombarded with questions and ideas about what exactly to do next. The pressures come from all over the board but mostly of course from within. I think I'm headed up to New York for the time being, go learn in yeshiva for a while longer although at the moment I really don't know how i feel about that. I think I'm just going to force myself to do it and take it from there. I think the bottom line is right now I just don't want to do anything, the atrophy has already set in. At the same time I was sick and tired of yeshiva when I left, I mean I want to keep learning its a lifetime pursuit but do I want to do it in that environment? I don't know. I think it might just come down to wanting to have my own space. I don't think I'm ready to go back to having to share so much space with other people, I'd really like to make some money and find a space of my own. It would be quite nice, but is that a good enough reason not to continue learning? I'm not sure, but its just whats kicking around in my head this morning.