168 hours

At this time next week I’ll be at the airport, the realization of that moment is really starting to hit me. In many ways I’m ready to go home. I never thought when I left I’d be gone for so long. Funny how life works, I can’t help but feel like I’m getting repetitive, I guess I have little more to say about my journey at present, more then anything I suppose its due to the lack of activity here in Israel. There just isn’t that much going on, I feel bad on one respect I’m tired and worn out. I don’t feel as though I’m taking advantage of this bit of time I could be using it to learn, to pray, to do whatever. After all I’m going to be leaving, back to the diaspora and the land of concealment. There won’t be thousands of minyans at my back door, constantly in motion. And yet I’m just a little bit tired, my inspiration has been waning. But once again I suppose that’s natural, without many people around, with most of my friends gone its all on me and I just need a break. I know I’ll be going to home to many challenges. And I’m not sure that I’m ready. At the same time I know I’m leaving armed with a slue of knowledge and more mature and confident person then when I left. I know there will be struggles; the kippa on top of my head that has become second nature to me to wear might suddenly feel heavy. Already I know making Shabbat plans will me harder, even here it’s not my favorite thing to do. I’m excited about the possibility of getting to do my own and inviting people over. But I know all those things will come in time. I worry about weaknesses I’ve failed to address suddenly hitting me over the head. That’s my nature I worry, especially when I have little else to do like now, one week less then 168 hours until a new leg of this adventure begins. I’m going up to Safed for a few days I don’t know exactly what I’ll be doing but I know that I’m saying goodbye. Goodbye to the birthplaces and kevers (graves) of my ancestors. Goodbye to places that hold an ancient lure and that sprinkling of magic that can be found nowhere else. The land of the matriarchs and patriarchs, the land that has been settled since the birth of modern man, shaped and reshaped in the image of those who believed it belonged to them and them alone. But Israel belongs to no one person; it’s a heritage for the world. The eye of the universe and the center of the world; I’ll be happy to be out of the center of the frying pan, but the outer rim while safer lacks all the action. Enough for now, Shalom Alechem from Eretz Israel.