Lets get to the point

Life being what it is one dreams of revenge, I’m not exactly sure what that means but I’ve found that despite my lack of clarity on its meaning I find myself uttering it from time to time and for whatever reason it fits. It’s absurd to think about, but like I said sometimes its just works. I love life, mine in particular but I really wish I could figure it out sometimes. It’s funny because while I’ve accepted Torah as the essential truth in the world, apply it to my life and figuring out its place in my life isn’t always so easy. But one thing at a time, I tend to get caught up in how far I have to go, how much more I have to learn and accomplish that I often forget where I’ve come from, it seems now a lifetime ago that I was arguing with Rabbis about why god couldn’t exist but really it was only a year and a half ago, its funny thinking about conversations I had with my dad about being cynical of religious people and their motives about not giving up anything I liked for the sake of truth. I still cling to that motion very much, but I know its no longer me. I’ve accepted that I can not have faith without acts of devotion. Even if those acts do at times cause me considerable pain. Even if they force me outside my natural instincts, that is I’ve begun to realize the whole point of many mitzvoth, given the incredible range and scope of them. Living a life devoted to god and the mitzvoth forces a person to go outside themselves and in the process perfect themselves. That is the goal, it is often distorted and ugly as well as beautiful. There is as I remind myself and others a difference between being a self actualized person and a religious person. Simply believing in god and following the mitzvoth doesn’t make you a good person. That’s the goal of course that though the Torah and the minutia of detailed practice one will not forget the central tenant of the Torah, namely “Love your neighbor as you love yourself” and will always remember that it is a tree of life for those who grasp it. Remember the Garden of Eden? Two trees the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. What was their central mistake? Eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil first, if they had eaten from the tree of life i.e. studied the Torah and came to know and understand it then they could have experienced the world as it is though the tree of knowledge of good and evil. That’s our purpose, not to run away from life though the study of Torah but to first immerse ourselves in it and then go out into the world armed with the knowledge we’ve acquired. And that’s what I’m preparing to do. My learning is far from complete but I’ve come a long way from where I started and I’m ready for a new challenge even if it’s hard. Especially if it’s hard, because all the best things in life are hard, otherwise what would the point be?