17th of Tammuz

I'm fasting today for the 17th of Tammuz, today begins the count down to the 9th of Av also known as Tisha b'Av. Tisha b'Av is a tragic day in Jewish History, it marks the day when: Jew's were told we would have to wander the desert for 40 years and would not be allowed to enter Eretz Israel for 40 more years, its when the first Temple was destroyed and when the walls of Jerusalem were breached by the Romans which quickly lead to the destruction of the second Temple and the expulsion of the Jews from the land of Israel. It also marks the day when the expulsion from Spain happened in 1492, ending a golden age in Jewish thought and philosophy. For the next three weeks pious Jews will prepare themselves to morn the loss of the Temples. So why am I fasting, this is after all a minor Jewish fast day which means there are more excuses for not fasting then there are reasons to fast. Judaism is after all a religion that loves loopholes. And I am not the holiest of all Yid's so why do it it at all? I'll be honest I'm not always sure why I'm doing what I'm doing, especially in moments like this one, its hot out, I can't drink any water or eat, my mind is starting to get foggy and I still have seven hours until I'm eating. So why do it at all? What's the point of not eating today? There are many well thought out and logical reasons for doing so, many greater minds then mine have found reasons for this and many other hard to deal with questions. But I think at the end of the day it all comes down to desire, my desire to eat is less then my desire to connect with my people and to connect to an ancient and mysterious tradition that I'm slowly beginning to understand. I at times find it painful and confusing to do so, I think all things that are worth doing are at times painful. Also I realize this opportunity I've been granted to spend in Israel is precious, i don't know if I'll ever be in an environment or a time where I'll have to explain my actions less then right here and right now. So I'm experimenting with Judaism in a very real way. I can't help myself I suppose I am after all a scientist deep down. I've have now and will continue to experiment with ideas and concepts I learn about. How else can I expect to understand something without doing it, immersing myself in it and seeing what conclusions come out of it? Its the only way I think to truly understand anything, to become a part of it and see where it takes you, I can't think of a creative way to end this so I guess I'll just leave you with this its from R. Noach Weinberg the founder of Aish HaTorah " The opposite of pleasure is comfort. Pleasure involves pain. Decadence is opting for comfort."