Suspending Reality

It seems that losing your faith and losing your lack of faith have much in common. At some point your suspended between two competing, self-consistent realities, knowing you have to go backwards or forwards, with no one to help you and no net. And once your out there, you realized that skeptic and believer are mirror images, reflecting a vision of logic in the universe. - Ellen Willis, Next Year in Jerusalem

This quote is from an article I've quoted many times and I've always meant to post it, if I already haven't it just speaks to me. Throughout my quest for truth, spirituality, etc this quote is seemingly always on the tip of my tongue. And I know anyone who has experienced a swing in realities as I have over the last two and a half years should identify with it. At some point your faced with a decision do I go backwards or forwards because I can't stay here. My first truly powerful religious experience was wrapping teffilin at the Kotel on my birthright trip. After the experience on the last night of the trip the Rabbi who I was traveling with asked me what I thought after my experiences. And I told me that I still didn't believe in god but I was willing to consider the possibility I was wrong and I didn't expect to get any farther with the answer. And he cautioned me about the view point. He told me that for the present moment it was fine, that for where I was and where I was coming from that it was a perfectly acceptable answer to have, but that eventually I'd have to make a decision one way or the other. That eventually I'd have to really decide. And I didn't believe him, I thought he was just playing with my mind trying to add some doubt or indecision to get me to come around to his viewpoint. And quite possibly he was, if he did it certainly worked. But the more likely answer is, he was right you can't have it both ways when it comes to such a big question your mind just won't let it rest until it gets a little clarity. Otherwise you'll spend all your time suspended between two universes and that can be a lonely place to be.